Assumptions

I'm sure we all know what happens when we assume.  Assuming can lead us into all kinds of trouble and really set us up for a rather large disaster.  I have learned the hard way and am taking steps to change this particular destructive behavior.   

By making assumptions we:

1. Speak for others
We speak for them. We project our own experiences onto them– we have already seen something take place similar to the situation we are currently in and assume this person or situation to be the same.

2. Miss out on really getting to know someone
We are not accepting someone as they really are, but instead as who we assume they are based on our perceptions.

3. Misunderstand a situation
We can make the assumption that a situation is not as bad as it really is and totally miss that things may actually be falling apart. The reverse would be that we assume a situation is worse than it is and try to fix something that isn’t broken only to find that we really did break it. 

4. Make decisions based on untruths
 We think that we know the facts when we’re really are we are doing is mistaking our assumptions for facts.

5. Are offended 
We assume that the people closest to us know what we’re thinking and what exactly it is that we’re saying forgetting that they cannot read our mind thus becoming offended.

I guess the most effective thing we can do to stop making assumptions is to start asking more questions. When we have all the information needed, we'll stop filling in the blanks with our perceptions or experiences, and have fewer misunderstandings, less conflicts and a whole lot less drama.

If you have found yourself making bad assumptions one too many times, maybe it is time for you to make a change as well. Be warned though; In order to stop making false assumptions, you'll have to check your ego at the door and keep an open mind.  GOOD LUCK 

1.Remember that the only safe assumption to make is that your first assumptions might be false. This keeps your head level and your mind open.

2.Recognize the assumptions you make in everyday life and think about whether they're useful and throw out anything that doesn't help you live more efficiently.

3.Use riddles and other divergent thinking exercises to expand your ability to think critically without making false assumptions. These are some of the best ways to break bad mental habits.

4.Respect other people's ideas. Even though you might disagree with someone else on a hot topic, recognize that her opinion isn't worthless simply because it's not the same as your own.

5.Be as objective as you can in making evaluative decisions. Whether you're at work, at home or with your friends,

be as logical and fair as possible in your judgments.

6.Resist the urge to accept stereotypes. Even though they might be accurate, stereotypes are reductive and can cloud your judgment.

7.Base your judgments only on the most apparent facts. This is the most logical way of doing things, and it'll stop you from making those false assumptions altogether.

Being Real Part 3

There have been many times in my life when I was certain that God had made something very clear to me and then there would be those that would come along and tell me I was wrong. Whenever that has happened, it has always left me bewildered but due to my current circumstances over the past two years, I have been able to rid myself, most of the time, of those voices who like to think that they are the authority on God’s word and listen to His actual voice.

As I have been dealing with all things that have been taking place in my life, I have spent time thinking about my role as a wife and mother as well as what my girls should expect in their spouse some day. Unfortunately, for me, I did not know what to look for and did not fully understand what it meant to seek after Gods will for my life and it has left me in a very bad situation. I never expected that at 35, I would be going through a divorce or dealing with the kind of heartache that I am experiencing. I never thought that the day would come, that the man who has been a part of my life for over half of my life would become my worst enemy. I was not prepared for this but through the grace of God; I am getting through it because of His great strength.

As I began to seek out what God wanted from me as a wife and mother, I had first to recognize what He did not want from me. This concept is extremely difficult as a woman because we believe, women are never wrong and we know best. Yeah right! That’s our problem. We think we know it all and can do it better than someone else can and this is where things begin to fall apart. First, we have to recognize that NO ONE is perfect, that at some point, someone will ALWAYS disappoint us and most importantly, NO ONE is always right. There are so many out there that believe they are the mouthpiece of God and know it all making it there place to tell everyone else what is wrong, totally missing the mess in their own life. If you really think about it, it is just a little amusing. I have come to find these types of people my comic relief because they are so clueless to what is really taking place in the world.

SO, whenever I write it is not to tell the world that my thinking or interpretation is right but instead to share what God has shown to me through my storm. I love those people who do not really want to encourage or give advice but instead appear as if they have it all together and can tell you exactly what you are doing wrong though they have never dealt with what you are dealing with. SO STINKING FUNNY!! If you have never dealt with a divorce, an abusive husband or a haughty pastor, please DO NOT try and give advice telling the cause of issues. Unless you have spent every moment with someone, you should not pretend to know what is required to remedy the situation.

I wrote about the man being the head of the home. Someone didn’t agree and I am ok with that but here’s the thing, check your heart and spend some time praying about it before jumping the gun and dismissing it. I have spent almost two years trying to figure out this stuff. It is not something I just sat down one day and decided to write. God has been showing me through scripture, through godly men I have come across and through women lucky enough to be married to godly men. What I want to say is that if you expect less than what God wants for our homes, then I truly have to pity you. I have been through hell. Not your typical finding out that he leaves dirty clothes on the floor and does not clean off his plate before putting it in the sink. I am talking about being totally disrespected and belittled and I am quite certain that goes against everything Jesus taught us about marriage. Now I could be wrong but once again, I went to church Sunday and could not believe when my pastor began preaching on the very thing I had written about just last week. When others had me doubting, God showed me once again that I was listening and hearing Him loud and clear.

Now the reason this whole issue is important to me is not that I ever want to get married again but instead have three boys who need to be taught what God expects of man as well as two little girls who should only wait around for the very best. This past Sunday, the pastor said something that I do not think I will ever forget and will sit down with my girls until the day they get married, reminding them of this particular story. Our pastor brought up the story of Ishmael and Isaac. He talked about how God promised Abraham and Sarah a child but instead of waiting on Gods time, they took matters into their own hands and Ishmael was born. Much later God followed through with His promise and Abraham and Sarah were blessed with the birth of their own child, Isaac. Our pastor said that we should not settle for an Ishmael but instead wait for our Isaac, the one that He would have for us. That was a profound moment for me and a moment where I knew from here forward, my purpose would be to begin to reshape and mold my children into what God would have for them.

Marriage is not easy and it does require a commitment from both individuals but God did create man to lead and for the woman to be his helper. Many find this a hard concept to swallow because many women do not want to sit back and let someone else take charge. God’s plan is not about equality but instead about order. God did not create man to be “the boss” or to “lord” over their home but instead to be the leader. The equation is simple; “husbands love you wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” + the wife must submit and respect her husband = a home in which God designed. The beginning of this equation is not submission but instead it is love. Love is why Christ died on the cross. When a husband loves, honors, cherishes and treasures his wife, it will produce a natural submission within her. It requires putting someone else before ourselves. It requires selflessness.

Therefore, the role of the wife begins with love. It begins with a total and complete love for God and when that happens, the rest will follow. When God is our focus, it is easy to submit and respect. For many out there, we have found that our husbands were not Christians and this made for a very difficult situation. It means hours of time spent upon our knees praying that God will take hold of their heart and that when He does, those husbands will turn it all over and hold nothing back. We as woman can only do so much. God knows how hard I tried and how much I prayed (for him and myself) but only that man could choose whether to give it all to God or to control it all. If he chooses the later, it will all pretty much fall apart eventually.

All this to say, I believe with all of my heart, that the man sets the atmosphere of his home; if he has a heart for the Lord and a love for his wife that comes from Christ, then the home will be a happy one. We live in a society where it is taught, “that if mom isn’t happy then no one is happy”. This idea has been programmed into our heads putting pressure on the wife to set the tone for the home but this is not the order God set. He clearly made our husbands the natural leader, the one that we as women should desire to follow because of his love for God as well as his wife. From that love, respect and love will follow. God knew what He was doing and designed the perfect plan; all we have to do is obey. God’s will for us is simple; surrender to Him and submission will follow which will then lead to a servant’s heart. It is all about order and true surrender.

Thankful

This week is the week of Thanksgiving and I have to say that for the first time in a very long time, I am looking forward to Thanksgiving. Though this past year has been hard, I have MUCH more to be thankful for than ever before. I have learned what true family and friendship looks like as well as God’s faithfulness and provision in my life. I have been blessed beyond measure this past year and have seen God work in my life as well as my kids in a way that some never will. I am truly blessed and truly thankful that I have learned to praise Him even in the storm.

I am thankful for God’s unconditional love. A love that covers me and brings me a peace when I feel like there is no hope. I am thankful for His unending mercy that is new every morning and puts a song in my heart. For His grace, like rain that pours over me and makes me clean again.

I am thankful for an amazing family. I am thankful for my five amazing kids that have taught me about love and how to be the mom that they need. I am thankful for a mom and dad, who are honest and walk with integrity. They show love to those whom I feel may not deserve it yet still stand for what is true. I am thankful for a brother and sister, who though may not always be able to be around, make sure I know that they are there for me and love me. I am especially thankful for being blessed with an amazing sister-in-law who loves my kids as if they were her own and loves me as if I were her sister.

I am thankful for my friends. I would have used to count it unfortunate only to have a few friends but over the past year, I have learned that a few are better than many. I am thankful for friends who have walked hand in hand with me and supported me every step of the way.

I am thankful for my new church. A church that my kids love and look forward to going to each week they are with me. I am thankful for a church where people are real and I am being taught truth.

I am thankful for a new start. God makes all things new and He has taught me this lesson in many ways this year and shown me how He can take all of the tiny broken pieces of my life and turn them into something beautiful.

Have a blessed Thanksgiving!!

Five guys and some fries....

Yesterday I had a shop to do at a Five Guys in Raleigh. This has quickly become one of my favorite shops because I LOVE their hamburgers and I usually sign up for as many as I can get each month. Typically these shops have taken place on the weekend but this month I have two that fall during the week. Normally this would not be a problem but I was scheduled to do a shop yesterday and because of the holiday, the kids were home from school. This left me in a bit of a dilemma because it is a little hard to conduct a shop with five kids so a couple were left behind.

My two older boys have been to Five Guys with me before and the 3 year old could have cared less so I went on a special date with my 9 and 7 year old for their first taste ever of 5 Guys. Needless to say these two were quite excited even though they had no clue what Five Guys would have to offer. All they knew was that mommy would go on and on about how much she wanted a Five Guys cheeseburger and today would be the day they would get to experience that delightful heart attack waiting to happen.

The ride took approximately fifteen minutes and that entire ride was filled with questions from the seven year old. Do they have french fries? DO they have hot dogs? What kind of dessert do they have? Is it a big place or a little place? DO they have a drive thru? What do we have to look for on the shop? Can I be the one to check the bathrooms? This went on for the entire drive but it was totally worth it because he keeps me laughing.

Once we finally arrived and placed our order, the 9 year old ordered a tasty hamburger with her favorite toppings; lettuce, onions, ketchup and mayo. The 7 year old decided on a delicious hot dog because those "are his favorite". I then ordered my cheeseburger as well as a large fry. I did not order fries for the other two which led to some complaining but I told them we would share. Now if you have never been to Five Guys, let me explain that an order of fries could feed a small army. With that being said, we sat down and patiently waited for our number to be called. The anticipation was killing them both. They could not sit still. They went back and forth from the table to the condiment counter getting napkins, ketchup and lemon slices for mom. Finally the moment arrived and number 23 was called. My 9 year old jumped to her feet and went to retrieve the brown paper bag. Once to the table she began to empty the contents. Her eyes grew large as she looked into the bag and saw all those french fries. She was amazed.

From there we enjoyed our meal. Every last bite. Plus before leaving, the seven year old decided he was still hungry and wanted to try a cheeseburger. He did but was far more impressed by the hot dog which I found amusing.

I count myself to be quite fortunate. I have been doing shops for about three months now and the rewards are excellent. It is by no means making us rich but it is allowing me special time with my kids and allowing them to do and experience things that they wouldn't otherwise get to do. A certain someone told me a couple of weeks ago that I needed to get off my lazy butt and get a real job. The more I thought about it the more I realized that it came from a place of jealousy. How many people get to take their kids to work, spend special time with them doing fun things and get paid to do it? I spend on average about 20 hours a week doing what I do on top of taking care of five kids on my own. Sometimes life gets crazy but I count it such a blessing that God opened this door for me and allowed me this privilege to be a mom and have a way to make money so that I can spend time with my kids.

The Perfect Substitute

This posting is TOTALLY off the subject from where I have been writing lately but I feel that this posting needs to be written for it is because of this particular food that I have been able to add 5 lbs to my ever-declining weight and am now up to 120lb.

I go through fazes where I crave certain things to eat. Sometimes it is chocolate and other times dry cereal in a Ziploc bag. Over the past month, it has been pancakes. The problem is that not just any pancake will do. It has to be an IHOP Pancake and I have to eat at least 3.

I highly believe there to be a secret ingredient hidden in the fluffy softness of those sweet cakes that when smothered in butter and hot syrup leaves you wanting more. This became a problem last month when the IHOP special was all you could eat pancakes for dirt-cheap. Sinfully delicious but totally worth the extra pounds :-) Now because of the "all you could eat" special, I now want them ALL the time!

Now as you know, I have recently moved which meant going through a closet of clothes and leaving behind A LOT of stuff. Thanks to my weight loss, my wardrobe has become quite limited but I think I'm loving the new size and as I was going through my closet, and tossing things to the side, I had my mom in my ear saying, "don't throw that out just yet because once you're happy and eating again, you'll probably pork back up." This has become the new joke. Whenever I put something on, and it seems like it just might be a little too tight, I am reminded that I must have found happiness again, as I seem to be "porking" back up! Yay for PANCAKES and all those other sweet things making me truly happy!!!!

Being Real Part 2

I went on to my blog today and could not believe the response from my posting on Being Real. Not sure, I expected so many to agree or even to respond. Kind of crazy.

So there are a few things I would like to point out and clarify. First would be that as much as it may have sounded like a man bashing, it was not intended to be that way. Am I frustrated? Clearly but at this particular time in my life, I have good reason to be, not that it is ok but it is where I am at this particular place in my life. Are men bad? Absolutely not! I know TOO many good ones who truly love the Lord and walk the walk that they preach/talk. What is bad though is the fact that women are having to take the role of spiritual leaders in their homes and it does not work. It is not a job that any woman would want nor ask for but when there are kids in the home someone has to step up and lead.

The Power of a Praying Wife is an excellent book and is right on in its teaching. I have spent years praying for my husband but have also spent years praying for my heart and attitude toward him. People like to assume they know the whole story as to what has taken place behind closed doors but truly, no one has any idea what people deal with on a day-to-day basis. Here is where my frustration comes from…It comes from a place of men being allowed to disrespect, humiliate, destroy, and gossip about their wives or the women in their churches.

I believe that God has a plan, a structure for the family unit. Maybe I am way off base but I believe this to be true. The following is the doctrine of several churches I have visited and others that I have researched online. I do not believe that man can perfectly perform this role but I do believe that through the Grace of God, we have been given what we need by the Holy Spirit to love one another according to God’s plan making our responsibilities in the home, a doable task.

While not every man aspires to be a leader in the church or in business, every man is called by God to exercise Headship Responsibility in his home. And, while every man is different in personality and skill, the Bible has one standard which any believer can follow. In Ephesians 5:25-26a, Paul sets that standard when says “love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; that He might sanctify her…”

The restoration of Headship Responsibility begins as men faithfully model the sacrificial love of Jesus Christ in their marriages. First, husbands are to give themselves up for their wives. A husband's personal goals, hobbies, likes and dislikes are to be laid down in order to serve his wife. Husbands are not to use the bonds of marriage to suit their own ends or get their own way. That is not Biblical leadership, it's bullying coercion. Biblical leadership never gives a man the right to get his own way, rather it gives him the responsibility to see that God's will is done in every relationship he leads. That is why Paul continues by showing the goal of this love, always looking for ways that he might sanctify his wife (5:26) or set her apart for God.

Peter agrees that domination produces an ungodly marriage. In 1 Peter 3:7 he says that men are to “live with your wives in an understanding way.” A believing husband is to be a straight-A student of his wife. Here is sacrificial love. Striving to understand rather than be understood always takes personal sacrifice. And, Peter adds, understand her “as with a weaker vessel.” While some think that Peter is pointing out her deficiencies, it is betterto understand that he is exalting her worth. Weaker vessels were often the most expensive, such as china plates are today. Peter is saying live sacrificially with her, without sacrificing your opinion of her.

Peter goes on to say that husbands are to “grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life so that your prayers be not hindered.” In other words, husbands are not to be prideful, but are to live in humility before their wives. Granting her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life is the same as saying “See her as your equal before God!” A husband who refuses to do this not only hinders his relationship with his wife, but with God as well. How? Peter says his prayers will be hindered. This is probably due to the pride in his life, which makes him think he is above his wife! (cf. 1 Peter 5:5)

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The husband's primary responsibility in restoring headship responsibility is to become a servant like Christ. He must give himself up for the best of his wife, always looking to see God's will accomplished in her life, rather than his own wishes met. In contrast to what many men may think, sacrificial service does not destroy the headship role of a husband, rather it is the only way to restore headship the way God intended it

.Men not only dominate their wives at home, but their children as well. In Paul's day, a father could abuse his children without penalty, even sell them into slavery if he so desired. So Paul tells fathers to have the same humble leadership towards their children, by not provoking them to wrath (Ephesians 6:4). Fathers are to put away personal rights for the benefit of their children. They are to be leaders, seeing God's will done in their family, as they, “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Perhaps the restoration of headship responsibility is most desperately needed in the home. Sociological studies continue to link the destruction of our society to the deterioration of the home. And as home life decays, so does the next generation of leadership in the church, for church leaders must first be godly leaders in their homes (1Timothy 3:4-5).

Let me just end with I truly believe that with God's help, our families, our homes can be what God desires and had planned. It just requires a lot of faith and trust in Him and not ourselves. What I hope more than anything about these posts is that maybe they will help some other family because I did not have anyone to help mine.

Coming soon: Being Real Part 3 What God says about the role of the wife

How Can I Keep From Singing??

I am exhausted but can’t sleep. All I want to do is write. I want to share my heart. I want to share what God is doing because I cannot contain it any longer. When you experience Him, it’s all you can do to keep from shouting His praises from your rooftop. I experienced Him tonight in such an amazing way and I was able to do this with my kids by my side.

I just recently walked in the door from a service at my church. It was a special service of worship, communion and baptism and I watched as my children entered frustrated that they had to go to church on a Wednesday and left being touched by the presence of God. It is not often you are able to experience those moments but when they come, WOW!! The service ended with everyone singing Glory to God including my three year old. I was holding her and worshiping myself and she sang away in my ear “Glory to God, Glory to God, Glory to God, Forever” as loud as her little lungs would let her. My twelve year old, who likes to play the cool kid, has recently let his guard down in church and started clapping and singing. Tonight, he sang as I have never heard him sing before and it brought me to tears. The most amazing part though, was my ten year old choosing not to participate in communion. Now, this might sound odd but he went in with a bad attitude and recognized that he should not take communion because of his attitude. I am so proud of my kids.

I am at a place in my life that I never in a million years thought I would ever have found myself but tonight God really taught me something about myself and about Him. Through all of the heartache, disappointment, pain and tears of the past year, He made it clear that He is not done with me yet. I have five amazing kids and He chose me to be their mother and to teach them about who He is. That is MY job. He created me for this very purpose and tonight He confirmed that very message through my children. I already know that my purpose is to bring Him honor and glory and though I feel like I fail Him so many times, tonight He reminded me that it is right now that matters. From this moment on, I choose to live for His glory and to raise my kids with the same purpose.

Words of a 3 Year Old

We are quite entertained by the three year old that runs the house. The most entertaining part of living with this particular three year is her use of the English language. Today I will share some of this with you.

Whenever at the mall, she will cry to ride the alligator AKA elevator, repeatedly.

In the morning, before leaving the house, she must always brush her teef AKA teeth.

When having chicken nuggets from McDonalds, she always wants sweet teaf AKA sweet tea, to drink.

When everyone is talking, and she wants you to listen to her, she asks that everyone stop talking to her.

When she wants to take a bath, she explains to me that her hair stinks, her feet stinks, her hands stinks, her legs stinks and her hair stinks.

When one of the older four gets upset with her or I have to discipline her, she asks us to be her friend please.

When Emma the kitten is being bad, Gabby puts her in time out. (the coat closet)

When mommy is doing work on the computer and I walk away for a moment, she informs me that she needs to check her SPACEBOOK AKA FACEBOOK.

When wanting to ride in her battery operated car, she says we need to charge the battery car AKA just simply the battery.

She loves to play with her turtle AKA belly button.

When going to the potty she NEEDS nackins AKA toilet paper.