Monday, December 19, 2011

So much more than meets the eye...


The other day I heard that it had been said that the things happening in my life are punishment for bad choices. I have found it interesting over the past couple of years the number of people in my life who are much like the friends that Job had to deal with.  Always looking at the glass half empty.  Their thinking is that if you are experiencing a storm with mountains of hurt, you must be living wrong. 



Sometimes I wonder what Bible those type of thinkers are reading.  I wonder what they are being taught in their churches.  I wonder what dark roads they have experienced.
I was rereading things that have occurred in my life over the past year and am encouraged.  You see, I was scared of 2011 because 2010 had been horrible.  I could not see the "silver lining."  There just did not seem like there would ever be an end to the heartache and pain.  This past year has not been pain free.  What it has been is an incredible journey where I have experienced God, seen Him provide, watched Him work miracles and been given some amazing friendships.

Last year the song That’s what faith can do was a popular song on the Christian radio stations.  It was a song that each time it played; I prayed that God would allow me to experience Him in such miraculous ways.  Guess what?  He answered my prayer.

For those who say that “my hell” was my own doing, so be it.  To you I say, you are missing the AMAZINGNESS of God. My personal hell has been hard.  Much of it caused by the evil of others but yes, I have fallen along the way too but been picked up by God each time. He has held me close in His arms and healed the broken places. I would not trade a moment of the past few years of my life.  I asked God for the chance to know Him better, to see Him move in my life and allow me the chance to experience miracles and He answered my prayer.  I would NOT change a thing.

For those skeptics, you need to know that before I took my first breath, my story was written.  God has not been surprised by a moment of my life.  He knew how every day of my life would unfold.  It was however, up to me as to how I would respond to each event.  There were times I got lost and could not find Him but He would then reveal Himself in my life in ways that you might now understand.  Those who believe that others who suffer do so at their own doing are missing just what faith can do.  Job was tested.  God allowed Satan to test the faith of Job.  He experienced his own hell but in the end, God blessed Him beyond measure for His faithfulness.

I am learning that people like to talk.  People like to judge.  People like to pick apart the lives of other people missing the flaws in their own life but those people are missing the most important thing in life.  They are missing the opportunity to glorify God through their lives and missing divine opportunities for a huge growth in their faith. 

So here is where I am left standing.  It has been over two months since I have received any form of financial help.  I have been left to provide for every need of five children and myself on my own. I make a little more than minimum wage but do you know what?  We have yet to go hungry.  We have yet to go without water, hot or cold.  We have yet to go without heat and electricity.  I have yet to run out of gas on the side of the rode. I wake every morning with a new outlook on life.  Instead of stressing over the bill that is due in a week, I focus on the day ahead.  I think about the previous days and the ways in which God has provided and am reminded of His faithfulness. We have yet to go without anything. The food, the money, the need is always provided.

I was not sure how Christmas would turn out this year but I knew in my heart there was no need to be anxious.  Up to this point God has provided all we have needed and I knew He would not stop now. Yesterday we experienced one of those miraculous days.  A local church Sunday school class provided bags and bags of groceries.  There were groceries for baking, there was a ham for Christmas day and so so so much more.  Today I came home to find two huge boxes filled with presents at the front door.  Everything is coming together and I am quite certain that this will in fact be the best Christmas my kids and I have ever experienced. 

God is truly with us.  He provides and blesses when we seek and love Him with all of our heart, soul and strength.  God is good!

That's What Faith Can Do- Kutless

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes
And make a new beginning

Anyone can feel the ache
You think it's more than you can take
But you're stronger
Stronger than you know

Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining
I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason
For someone not to try

Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright

Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do



Saturday, December 10, 2011

Extra bit of love

Christmas will different in our home this year.  My kiddos won't be getting the loads of gifts they have received in the past.  This is not a bad thing.

Last year on Christmas morning I took two of my five into downtown Raleigh to pass out shoes to those in need.  It was a morning that changed Christmas for me.

I have always had the desire to spend my holidays serving, ministering and loving on others. I have longed for the opportunity to share that with my children and to serve as a family.  I have longed to see that in the hearts of my children.  It is happening.

The two that helped last year have repeatedly asked if we would be helping again this year.  Huge smiles for mom along with the added bonus of a warm heart.  Two of the other kiddos who missed the opportunity last year are excited to be a part this year.  Yay!

Last year changed the hearts of the two that helped.  After seeing children on Christmas morning who were thrilled to be receiving new shoes, their gifts back home didn't seem quite as important.  You see I purposely did not allow them to open all their gifts before we left Christmas morning as we were waiting for the return of their siblings in order to have Christmas as a family.  When leaving the house that morning, they were not overly thrilled about going but once we returned home from passing out shoes, their interests were not as great in the presents found under the tree.

There is a reason we are called to serve.  There is a reason we are called to love.  Happiness does not come from stuff.  My children have spent years being given all that their little hearts desired but were never truly happy.  My goal has now become to teach them to fill their hearts with Jesus and loving others. There and only there will they find their true happiness.  There is no better way to find happiness then taking the focus off of ourselves and loving on others.

Share your time this Christmas with others who need that extra bit of love.  I promise you will experience great amounts of joy and happiness!

Merry Christmas!

Friday, December 9, 2011

In Memory of...


Today is an emotionally significant day for me.  Today would have been my sixteenth wedding anniversary.

I remember my wedding day.  I remember my dress, the church, and the sights and sounds of Christmas that filled the sanctuary.  It was a day of smiles and laughter. Yet, all day, I was unsure yet resolved.  When entering the limo after the reception, I was struck with a severe migraine and overcome by great feelings of anxiousness.  I walked into married life scared. I walked into married life doubtful of my ability to keep it going for the rest of my life.  Nevertheless, I walked into it.

This week I have asked Jesus to hold me close.  For me, this will be the first year that I will not acknowledge this date as I had in the past but it will be acknowledged. In a season of goodbyes and unraveling, my mindset might seem odd to some.  However, my marriage did mean something.  Every moment was not tear-filled, though many were and even the ones that were, are worth honoring. 

My son asked me a couple of months ago if I wished I could do everything all over again and marry someone else.   My response did not require thought and came quickly.  I would do every moment of it all over again because without their daddy, I would not have the incredible gift of my five kids.  They are the greatest blessing and a great responsibility entrusted to me by God.  I have no regrets.  Because of my spouse and the journey we have taken, I am a changed person.  

With all that said, I am choosing to honor my marriage today.  I am choosing to reminisce over the sweeter times and choosing to pray for my spouse and my children.  I’m going to allow today to remind me that good did indeed come from the hard, that I have five beautiful children from our time together, that Jesus was ever-present in each memory, and that marriage always was and always will be designed as a sweet gift.  So I am choosing gratefulness in spite of the pain. 

A new chapter in my life begins now.  I have a fresh start and the ability to replace the pain with new relationships, experiences and memories.  God is good and has been so incredibly faithful throughout my journey.  I know He has something exciting planned for my life.  Today I will put to rest the last chapter in a twenty-year story and begin writing a new one. 

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