An invitation

I cannot say enough good things about my church. I don't typically link sermons encouraging others to listen but this one is exceptionally good. I came from a very legalistic church that left me questioning my faith as well as God's character. God brought me to Journey three years ago where I found incredible healing and a real relationship with Christ. If you struggle with the rules and lists that religion offers, take a listen to Jimmy's message. There is an amazing God waiting to have an intimate relationship with you! 

Post by Journey Church.

All Things New...: My Husband used to be a pastor- Part 2

All Things New...: My Husband used to be a pastor- Part 2: All of this is for your benefit.  And as God's grace reaches more and more people, there will be great thanksgiving, and God will rec...

Teach our daughters, then our sons.

Truth is truth...

A truth I am teaching my children.  Just because someone tells you something does not mean it is true even if everyone else around you believes it to be true.  There are those in the world who are set out to hurt us.  Those who want to bring about destruction.  Those who are used by the enemy to create chaos and harm simply by lying.  Each day my children are faced with those who would stand in front of their innocent minds and speak untruths to them.  Those people who do not care about the effects they are having on the self-esteem of my children and the way in which my children will one day see themselves.  These are individuals driven by something dark.  Something that lurks in the shadows of this world wanting to devour the good that still exists.  Thankfully as a mom, God has given me the words to speak into the lives of my children in order to help them understand what is true.  I have recited Philippians 4:8-9 many times with my children hoping to instill in them what God's truth says..

 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. ⁹ Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.

When they come home confused by the latest tells they have been told, we sit, pray and talk about what we know to be true.  We talk about how they are unconditionally loved by God and that He holds each of them in His hands.  That God has great plans for each of their lives and when they choose to follow Him and not the world, He will do great things with them. It never takes them long to regain proper perspective and to remember all that they know to be true.  That God is good and faithful to those who choose to follow Him.

Thoughts of my mom

I wrote this on Saturday morning, wanting to post it for Mother's Day but due to a computer malfunction, that did not happen.  Hopefully we can look past it being a day late :-)

This morning I woke up to find my oldest daughter standing over me with a plate of food in her hand.  She had made me breakfast and brought it to me in bed.  Her words were that I deserved breakfast in bed every morning not just on Mother’s Day.  She made my day just a little bit. 

It is in those moments that I realize the job I am doing as a mom and I think I can honestly say I am an excellent mom.  The thing is though that I recognize that I am an excellent mom because I grew up with an excellent mom.  Being a mom is a LOT of work.  Laundry, cleaning, cooking and caring for your kids pretty much consumes the time of a mom. It just does not leave much time for anything else if you want to keep your sanity but somehow my mom did it.  She sang in the church choir, participated in WMU, taught children’s choir, attended bible studies and still had time to take care of us kids while still making time to entertain those who came to visit.  

Now that I am a mom of five kids of my own, I realize the amount of time and energy it takes to not only run a home and maintain other activities but to do those things and still love others while I do it all. It is a ridiculous amount of work but you know what?  That is the love of a mom.  A love that is sacrificial and unconditional.  A love that is not critical. Not every mom loves in this way but I am so incredibly thankful to God, that He chose me to have a mom like the one that I have. I learned to love by watching my mom and now my kids are learning too.  They are learning that there is so much more to life then themselves.  They are realizing that there is so much more joy in loving and serving others than being focused only on themselves.

Back to my mom. Though she was busy with kids and activities, she managed still to have a sweet loving spirit.  My mom dealt with many critical people in her life.  She is not perfect and can be critical at times (as we all can) but she was never critical to the extent at which I believe certain people deserved from her. She has dealt with people who spent much time putting her down and making her feel less than she was but here is what I know, she is SO much greater than those critical people are in her life.  When people were critical to my mom, she stayed quiet.  She has chosen to keep silent a lot when she has been hurt or criticized. She has taken the high road and chosen not to repay evil with evil.  Whether she wants to admit it or not, she is why I have stayed silent for the past few years while my character was trampled.  I learned from watching her, whether she realized it or not, that it is not our place to “put someone in their place” but instead it is God’s place.   God is doing amazing things in my life that He could not have done if I had chosen to stand on my soapbox setting the record straight on why I have been wronged instead of giving Him the room to work.  I would have been working against what He was trying to accomplish in my life and the lives of others.  All of this, I learned from my mom. 

God is a big God.  He so does not need us to fight His battles.  There are so many critical and hateful people in the world that would rather put down and hurt others instead of loving people and allowing God room to do His work.  I am thankful for a mom who chose to stay silent when attacked and instead she allowed God to work through her situations and teach her as she sat still before Him.  I have chosen to follow her lead and to focus my love and attention on loving my God, my children and others so that God can do His work in my life. This is what I pray my children are learning from watching their mom as this is what I learned from watching my own mom. 

Thank you God for my amazing mom! Thank you mom for being my greatest advocate and for believing in me when others did not.  That is most definitely the LOVE of a MOM!

I refuse to give up....

http://abatteredmother.wordpress.com/2011/04/14/mothers-under-siege-tactics-of-the-fathers-rights-movement-how-can-a-good-enough-mother-protect-herself/

The money is gone.  The issue is still not settled.  I fight a battle every day to keep my head above water.  I have pleaded and begged for a resolution so that money can be put to the use of what is right.


After reading this article I am even more saddened.  I feel even more hopeless. I do not understand the world in which we live and why men (especially men who claim to be followers of Christ) would choose to harm their children, by hurting the mother of their children,  in order to control.


Over the past few weeks my list of friends has grown as I have found many other women in my situation.  This is real and happens everyday.  I have found that more and more women from the church I used to attend are dealing with the exact same issues. I am  learning that women typically get no support within the church they attend.  I am learning that pastors (male) will not back a women as it sends out the message to their church that they may not be doing their job (as pastors) in leading the men of their church. I can easily understand how this madness happens in "the world" but within Christian communities, I am baffled.


While some of you out there fight to keep a job or your home, their are moms fighting a losing battle to keep their kids.  You may wonder if their will be another paycheck.  She wonders is someone is going to take away her kids. Moms who must choose to buy milk or make another payment to an attorney.  Oftentimes, moms are lucky if they see any money from the father of their children until a court order is granted and even then, it does not always happen.


I spoke with a women from my old church yesterday.  She said something that made me think as I realized the truth in her statement, "What man who claims to love their children and wants what is best for his children would drag their mother through the mud and waste thousands upon thousands of dollars for attorneys instead of taking care of their kids.  To me, that is the worst form of a dead beat dad that there is. That my friend is NOT a godly man or a saved man and it is happening everywhere."


There are those men out there that truly do not have the money and work hard to pay.  They do the best that they can.  That doesn't particularly help the moms who try to provide for their kids but at least they are trying. They do exist.  But then there are those men, backed by family and friends who just want to win.  Who just want to cause harm.  Who just want their way and will do whatever they have to in order to get their way.  There are men who drag out court hearings and refuse to mediate with their spouse.  Their plan is to bleed the ex-wife dry until she can no longer fight.  She has no choice but to give up.  It is an issue of power and control and our court system does nothing to stop it.


I believe I have found my mission.  I may not be able to change my situation.  At this point, I truly believe it would take an act of God or miracle (which I believe can happen) for my story to have a happy ending.  I will however become an advocate.  I will be a voice.  I will use my story to help other women, other moms who have been hurt and their lives destroyed by the person who promised before God to cherish and honor them.


God is watching.  He sees our men and the harm that they cause.  There are consequences.  They may not come today but they will happen.  All we as moms can do it trust God for protection.  Trust God and His faithfulness and move forward with confidence knowing that our children are worth every ounce of energy, every single penny spent  and every tear shed.

Different Seasons

It is funny how the passions that we have can change over time.  Life takes on different seasons.  We experience different seasons in our relationships, work and church.  But have you ever thought about how your passion for things changes as well?


I used to have a passion for singing.  Not a passion for standing in front of a crowd for attention but instead a passion  to worship God and lead people to His throne.  For me is was my way to express my love for Him.  The thoughts of ever having to give it up was unbearable.  Oh how things have changed.


This is how I now feel about writing.  It has become my passion.  I wake up with the desire to write and go to sleep thinking about what I can write next.  I have a passion to share my story through words.  I have a passion to encourage others through words.  

As I look back now I can see how God used my singing to prepare me for writing.  I sang with a group.  I did not like singing alone.  I was insecure and lacked confidence.  Toward the end of my time of singing, God stretched me and I sang my first solo.  Little did I know it was not to prepare me for a life of singing for Him but instead writing.  


There is nothing more personal than writing and putting yourself out there.  People will rip you apart and not think twice about doing so.  In order to write you have to have confidence enough in yourself and what you believe to put it all out there.  God had to prepare me for that and I had to work through a lot of issues to reach a place where I could write in a transparent way.  It has been a journey and I have learned much along the way. I sure hope this passion I have for writing never fades away. 

Love and Attachment: Do you know the difference?

I found this article fascinating and wanted to share.
Once we begin to understand this issue (the difference between love and attachment), we can begin helping those hurt by emotional abuse in relationships.


The Details:


Are you in love with your significant other, or attached?  Romantic novels and soap operas have convinced us that love is a relationship made up of a combination of adolescent whims and cheap sentimentalism, a particular type of dramatic relationship in which each one of the protagonists tires to satisfy specific egotistic needs.  This is not love, but merely attachment.  Attachment and love are at the same time; similar, and yet very different.  Some might say that they are both attacks, as well as in love.  After studying the two; maybe then you can decide where you stand.  Most people completely confuse attachment with love.


Love:


In contrast, love is the freedom of giving and sharing, without hoping for anything in exchange, because love is its only reward.  Love is generosity and is patient.  Love utterly lacks any ego.  Love is kind and it does not boast or envy.  It's a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.  A feeling of warm personal attachment, (with love) or deep affection.  Love does not dishonor others and is not self-seeking.  It's a waterfall that pours from the heart and is not proud.


Attachment:


Attachment (without love) is a kind of emotional disease; it is an obsessive emotional state, a type of addiction in which our peace and happiness depends on the closeness or distance from an object or person to whom we are attached.  Attachment is egoism.  The ego lacks love.  Attachment attributes an exaggerated and illusory value to objects, situations, or people; it totally disconnects us from reality.  Any attachment  is not part of reality, but an illusion whose existence is merely psychological.  Attachment is the desire to receive not give.


The Bottom Line:


Attachment turns us into tyrants who wish to control everything, for which even people are objects to be possessed. Like dictators thirsty for control and domination, we are impelled to elevate ourselves over others.  Attachment fragments the peace of its victims, leading to complete emotional disorder and chaos.  Love seeks to eliminate all the differences and limits between people.  Love is a profound longing to eradicate borders. 


Published in Talk of Your Towne April 2011

Coincidence?

Day three of 21: It is only day three but I am feeling God speaking to me loud and clear. Again, I will wait out the complete 21 days to see what God continues to show me. Here is what God showed me today in my quiet time through two different devotionals that I read.

This is what I read this morning written by Rick Warren…

"We see, then, that they were not able to enter the land, because they did not believe."

Hebrews 3:19

The saddest verse to me in the entire Bible is today's verse. It says the people of God were not able to enter the Promised Land because of unbelief.

Think about this: For 400 years, God planned the liberation of the Israelites from Egypt. To convince Pharaoh to let them go, God sent the various plagues to Egypt. He opened the Red Sea and He fed the Israelites with manna and quail. He took care of all of their needs as He brought them to the edge of the Promised Land.

But at the point of decision, God's people say, "We can't do it." And the bible says because of their unbelief, they were not allowed to go in and they missed all that God had planned for their lives.

WOW! Why am I so stubborn and unbelieving? Why do I have a hard time trusting God. He is the same God that Moses served and trusted? Why did the Israelites witness all that God had done and still chose not to believe? It's like that story I have heard pastors tell repeatedly about the man stuck on top of the building and needing to be rescued. All kinds of people come by with ways to help him but he says no because he's waiting on God. You know the story. I feel like we are always looking for that "parting of the red sea" moment and often times miss Him.

The devotion goes on to say…

I do not want that to happen to you. I do not want you to miss what God has planned for your life simply because you were afraid or unwilling to take a step of faith. Your unbelief limits God.

We must choose to obey God in faith. Every times we trust God's wisdom and do whatever He says to do, even when we don't understand it, we deepen our relationship with God.

Understand, though, we obey God, not out of duty or fear or compulsion, but because we love Him and trust that He knows what is best for us. We want to follow Christ out of gratitude for all He has done for us, and the closer we follow Jesus, the deeper our relationship with Him becomes.

Makes me stop and think about how often we say we will leave it in God's hands to take care of things but still try to control it. Do we really trust Him enough to lay it all down and give Him complete control?

Here is how Rick Warren ended it…

The greatest tragedy this year would be for you to stand at the edge of your destiny, but to be afraid to enter into all that God has planned for you. Your obedience in moving forward—to take risks and step out in faith- will release God's power in you.

What are you afraid of in 2011? Whatever it is, it doesn't stand a chance when you do whatever God tells you to do. There is no reason to be afraid. The Lord is on our side.

I feel like this was written just for me. It is like my own personal message from God but why do I still find myself doubting or unsure? After reading this devotion, I went on to the next, which was titled, God's daily promise to me about Taking Jericho. Here is what it said…

"Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

Joshua 1:9

Imagine this scene for a minute. You're a captain in Joshua's army camped a few miles outside the city of Jericho. You've seen the thick, double-layered stone walls surrounding the city and armed soldiers guarding every entrance. You've heard tales of the fierce Canaanite army and their ability to hold their ground in battle.

In the midst of all of this, an edict comes down from the upper ranks. Israel is planning to take Jericho. Actually, what the message says is that Israel has already taken Jericho, but Jericho just doesn't know it yet. The battle plan is really no plan at all. You're supposed to get your troops together and conduct a victory march around the city. Just once- for six days in a row. Then on the seventh day, you're to march seven times around the city. That's when your soldiers can march in and take possession.

The next day you're marching around the city, and you can't help but hear the taunts coming from inside the walls. You know how silly this all look, but you keep marching just the same. Because you know that God is on your side, and you've seen what He can do.

This is why God reminded Joshua time and again to "be strong and courageous." God has a way of working that tends to fall outside the norm, and he needs people who trust Him enough to go the distance, no matter how bizarre the game plan. Courage is important to God because courage is a natural byproduct of trust. And the greater we trust, the braver we become. As long as God leads the battle, we can march in confidence, knowing that we've already won. God gave Jericho to Israel on the seventh day, just as He said He would. So,…what wall does He have you marching around?

Is anyone else feeling what I'm feeling? Are you in awe of God right now like I am? Could God make Himself anymore clear? Why do I allow people to get inside of my head and make me doubt what God is clearly showing me? These next eighteen days are going to be tough yet interesting. This is so exciting!

Deceitfulness of Sin

" But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called "today," that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin."

Hebrews 3:13

Godly friends exhort one another to pursue godliness. They ask tough, awkward and probing questions that dig deep into the heart and expose sinful desires. True godly friends aren't afraid to get down and dirty because they truly care for me and do not want my heart to become hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. Sin is deceitful, and many times, we fail to see our sin accurately. Godly friends help each other see their sin accurately by asking tough questions.

 

As I read Hebrews 3 this morning, I was reminded again "Today if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion, during the time of testing in the desert". Hebrews 3:7-8. There were so many times last year that I pulled away from God out of fear and a lack of faith that I missed what God had waiting for me. I was too busy trying to seize control of the areas in my life that had me worried instead of giving them over to God and I was lacking support from godly friends. This ended up being a blessing in disguise as it led me to spend more time with God. During this time, it led me open to hear what He wants for me verses what people think that He wants from me. One of the things He has shown me is to examine those areas in my life and those I surround myself with to see if they are encourage me to walk in truth. I have learned that when I surround myself with truth there is peace and blessing in my life verses heartache and pain. It is not just circumstances that cause us pain but relationships with people who do not always look to truth that can lead to pain as well. I found these seven questions online that made me sit down and think about the relationships in my life and what I expect of them. I think it is a step in the right direction.

_Have you been consistently pursuing the Lord through scripture reading and prayer?

Above anything else, I want to make sure that my friends are faithfully pursuing the Lord. If there is a deficiency in reading scripture and prayer, there will be a deficiency in their relationship with the Lord.

 

_Have you diligently pursued your wife/husband this week?

This questions applies to married folks only. Our relationship with our spouse is our second most important relationship after the Lord. If I'm not diligently investing in my relationship with my spouse, there's a problem.

_Have you seen any persistent patterns of sin in your life recently?

Sin usually isn't an isolated event. The same sin usually occurs multiple times in different contexts. It's crucial that we help each other identify patterns of sin.

 

_Last week you confessed struggling with [insert sin]. Have you taken steps to fight it this week?

It's not enough to just confess sin. We want to help each other actively fight against the sin that we confess.

 

_When you gave into [insert sin], what were you believing about God in that moment? What were you believing about yourself?

Sin is the result of believing lies about God and about ourselves. We sin in worry because we believe that God isn't taking care of us. We sin in lust because we believe that it will satisfy us more than God. We sin in anger because we feel that our "rights" have been violated. Sin is the result of believing lies.

_What is the truth that you need to believe in this situation?

We fight against the lies of sin by believing scriptural truth. We must help each other see how scripture applies to every area of our lives.

_When you had the conflict with [insert person], what were you craving at that moment?

Scripture tells that conflict is the result of cravings. James 4:1-2 says, "What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?
You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel." Cravings underlie conflict.

 

Assumptions

I'm sure we all know what happens when we assume.  Assuming can lead us into all kinds of trouble and really set us up for a rather large disaster.  I have learned the hard way and am taking steps to change this particular destructive behavior.   

By making assumptions we:

1. Speak for others
We speak for them. We project our own experiences onto them– we have already seen something take place similar to the situation we are currently in and assume this person or situation to be the same.

2. Miss out on really getting to know someone
We are not accepting someone as they really are, but instead as who we assume they are based on our perceptions.

3. Misunderstand a situation
We can make the assumption that a situation is not as bad as it really is and totally miss that things may actually be falling apart. The reverse would be that we assume a situation is worse than it is and try to fix something that isn’t broken only to find that we really did break it. 

4. Make decisions based on untruths
 We think that we know the facts when we’re really are we are doing is mistaking our assumptions for facts.

5. Are offended 
We assume that the people closest to us know what we’re thinking and what exactly it is that we’re saying forgetting that they cannot read our mind thus becoming offended.

I guess the most effective thing we can do to stop making assumptions is to start asking more questions. When we have all the information needed, we'll stop filling in the blanks with our perceptions or experiences, and have fewer misunderstandings, less conflicts and a whole lot less drama.

If you have found yourself making bad assumptions one too many times, maybe it is time for you to make a change as well. Be warned though; In order to stop making false assumptions, you'll have to check your ego at the door and keep an open mind.  GOOD LUCK 

1.Remember that the only safe assumption to make is that your first assumptions might be false. This keeps your head level and your mind open.

2.Recognize the assumptions you make in everyday life and think about whether they're useful and throw out anything that doesn't help you live more efficiently.

3.Use riddles and other divergent thinking exercises to expand your ability to think critically without making false assumptions. These are some of the best ways to break bad mental habits.

4.Respect other people's ideas. Even though you might disagree with someone else on a hot topic, recognize that her opinion isn't worthless simply because it's not the same as your own.

5.Be as objective as you can in making evaluative decisions. Whether you're at work, at home or with your friends,

be as logical and fair as possible in your judgments.

6.Resist the urge to accept stereotypes. Even though they might be accurate, stereotypes are reductive and can cloud your judgment.

7.Base your judgments only on the most apparent facts. This is the most logical way of doing things, and it'll stop you from making those false assumptions altogether.

Being Real Part 3

There have been many times in my life when I was certain that God had made something very clear to me and then there would be those that would come along and tell me I was wrong. Whenever that has happened, it has always left me bewildered but due to my current circumstances over the past two years, I have been able to rid myself, most of the time, of those voices who like to think that they are the authority on God’s word and listen to His actual voice.

As I have been dealing with all things that have been taking place in my life, I have spent time thinking about my role as a wife and mother as well as what my girls should expect in their spouse some day. Unfortunately, for me, I did not know what to look for and did not fully understand what it meant to seek after Gods will for my life and it has left me in a very bad situation. I never expected that at 35, I would be going through a divorce or dealing with the kind of heartache that I am experiencing. I never thought that the day would come, that the man who has been a part of my life for over half of my life would become my worst enemy. I was not prepared for this but through the grace of God; I am getting through it because of His great strength.

As I began to seek out what God wanted from me as a wife and mother, I had first to recognize what He did not want from me. This concept is extremely difficult as a woman because we believe, women are never wrong and we know best. Yeah right! That’s our problem. We think we know it all and can do it better than someone else can and this is where things begin to fall apart. First, we have to recognize that NO ONE is perfect, that at some point, someone will ALWAYS disappoint us and most importantly, NO ONE is always right. There are so many out there that believe they are the mouthpiece of God and know it all making it there place to tell everyone else what is wrong, totally missing the mess in their own life. If you really think about it, it is just a little amusing. I have come to find these types of people my comic relief because they are so clueless to what is really taking place in the world.

SO, whenever I write it is not to tell the world that my thinking or interpretation is right but instead to share what God has shown to me through my storm. I love those people who do not really want to encourage or give advice but instead appear as if they have it all together and can tell you exactly what you are doing wrong though they have never dealt with what you are dealing with. SO STINKING FUNNY!! If you have never dealt with a divorce, an abusive husband or a haughty pastor, please DO NOT try and give advice telling the cause of issues. Unless you have spent every moment with someone, you should not pretend to know what is required to remedy the situation.

I wrote about the man being the head of the home. Someone didn’t agree and I am ok with that but here’s the thing, check your heart and spend some time praying about it before jumping the gun and dismissing it. I have spent almost two years trying to figure out this stuff. It is not something I just sat down one day and decided to write. God has been showing me through scripture, through godly men I have come across and through women lucky enough to be married to godly men. What I want to say is that if you expect less than what God wants for our homes, then I truly have to pity you. I have been through hell. Not your typical finding out that he leaves dirty clothes on the floor and does not clean off his plate before putting it in the sink. I am talking about being totally disrespected and belittled and I am quite certain that goes against everything Jesus taught us about marriage. Now I could be wrong but once again, I went to church Sunday and could not believe when my pastor began preaching on the very thing I had written about just last week. When others had me doubting, God showed me once again that I was listening and hearing Him loud and clear.

Now the reason this whole issue is important to me is not that I ever want to get married again but instead have three boys who need to be taught what God expects of man as well as two little girls who should only wait around for the very best. This past Sunday, the pastor said something that I do not think I will ever forget and will sit down with my girls until the day they get married, reminding them of this particular story. Our pastor brought up the story of Ishmael and Isaac. He talked about how God promised Abraham and Sarah a child but instead of waiting on Gods time, they took matters into their own hands and Ishmael was born. Much later God followed through with His promise and Abraham and Sarah were blessed with the birth of their own child, Isaac. Our pastor said that we should not settle for an Ishmael but instead wait for our Isaac, the one that He would have for us. That was a profound moment for me and a moment where I knew from here forward, my purpose would be to begin to reshape and mold my children into what God would have for them.

Marriage is not easy and it does require a commitment from both individuals but God did create man to lead and for the woman to be his helper. Many find this a hard concept to swallow because many women do not want to sit back and let someone else take charge. God’s plan is not about equality but instead about order. God did not create man to be “the boss” or to “lord” over their home but instead to be the leader. The equation is simple; “husbands love you wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” + the wife must submit and respect her husband = a home in which God designed. The beginning of this equation is not submission but instead it is love. Love is why Christ died on the cross. When a husband loves, honors, cherishes and treasures his wife, it will produce a natural submission within her. It requires putting someone else before ourselves. It requires selflessness.

Therefore, the role of the wife begins with love. It begins with a total and complete love for God and when that happens, the rest will follow. When God is our focus, it is easy to submit and respect. For many out there, we have found that our husbands were not Christians and this made for a very difficult situation. It means hours of time spent upon our knees praying that God will take hold of their heart and that when He does, those husbands will turn it all over and hold nothing back. We as woman can only do so much. God knows how hard I tried and how much I prayed (for him and myself) but only that man could choose whether to give it all to God or to control it all. If he chooses the later, it will all pretty much fall apart eventually.

All this to say, I believe with all of my heart, that the man sets the atmosphere of his home; if he has a heart for the Lord and a love for his wife that comes from Christ, then the home will be a happy one. We live in a society where it is taught, “that if mom isn’t happy then no one is happy”. This idea has been programmed into our heads putting pressure on the wife to set the tone for the home but this is not the order God set. He clearly made our husbands the natural leader, the one that we as women should desire to follow because of his love for God as well as his wife. From that love, respect and love will follow. God knew what He was doing and designed the perfect plan; all we have to do is obey. God’s will for us is simple; surrender to Him and submission will follow which will then lead to a servant’s heart. It is all about order and true surrender.

How Can I Keep From Singing??

I am exhausted but can’t sleep. All I want to do is write. I want to share my heart. I want to share what God is doing because I cannot contain it any longer. When you experience Him, it’s all you can do to keep from shouting His praises from your rooftop. I experienced Him tonight in such an amazing way and I was able to do this with my kids by my side.

I just recently walked in the door from a service at my church. It was a special service of worship, communion and baptism and I watched as my children entered frustrated that they had to go to church on a Wednesday and left being touched by the presence of God. It is not often you are able to experience those moments but when they come, WOW!! The service ended with everyone singing Glory to God including my three year old. I was holding her and worshiping myself and she sang away in my ear “Glory to God, Glory to God, Glory to God, Forever” as loud as her little lungs would let her. My twelve year old, who likes to play the cool kid, has recently let his guard down in church and started clapping and singing. Tonight, he sang as I have never heard him sing before and it brought me to tears. The most amazing part though, was my ten year old choosing not to participate in communion. Now, this might sound odd but he went in with a bad attitude and recognized that he should not take communion because of his attitude. I am so proud of my kids.

I am at a place in my life that I never in a million years thought I would ever have found myself but tonight God really taught me something about myself and about Him. Through all of the heartache, disappointment, pain and tears of the past year, He made it clear that He is not done with me yet. I have five amazing kids and He chose me to be their mother and to teach them about who He is. That is MY job. He created me for this very purpose and tonight He confirmed that very message through my children. I already know that my purpose is to bring Him honor and glory and though I feel like I fail Him so many times, tonight He reminded me that it is right now that matters. From this moment on, I choose to live for His glory and to raise my kids with the same purpose.

Being Real

Please be advised: This is hardcore honesty and straight from the heart. I am holding nothing back in this posting. Ok that might be a lie because truth be told, it is not in me to do to others what has been done to me so names have been omitted.

I spent the day cleaning out the house I used to reside in and as I worked, I knew that the "spy's next door" were reporting my every move to the man I have left behind. I have spent the past year being ridiculed, gossiped about, put down, spied on and basically kicked to the curb by a church and a group of people that I thought were friends. Needless to say, it has been a lonely year but I have grown tremendously because of the situation and for that I am thankful.

One of the greatest lessons learned would be this; people are people. They are going to disappoint and hurt. If we put all of our hope and trust in people, we'll never make it through this life.

You see some of these very people who have pointed fingers and gossiped about me, have done the very thing they have accused me of and it is almost comical. I feel like I could write a book about women and the tendencies thereof. Mainly that if they can point their finger at someone else in order to take the spot light off of their own sins, they will do it in a heart beat and stab you in the back in an instant. Let me just say that four women in my life have done the very things they have accused me of and pretty much gotten away with it. Well, all but one.

There have been moments over the past year that I have literally stood in awe of the deviousness of "my friends" and the lengths that they have been willing to go in order to hurt someone. It amazes me because each of these women claim to be Christians. I cannot say either way if this is truth but their actions, from a world view, would speak to the contrary.

Here's the kicker. Most of these women are either married to pastors or seminary students. Basically what I am saying is that several of my girlfriends have had emotional affairs and their husbands are "godly" men in the eyes of the christian community.

You may be wondering what has triggered this posting but this morning as I was returning home from taking my children to school, I heard a song on KLOVE called Lead Me by Sanctus Real. It spoke to me in such a way that I had to investigate the story behind it. Sure enough, one of the band members had been dealing with marriage issues. His wife confronted him and told him that he had to be the spiritual leader of their home or it would not work. For him, it was a moment of change and God moved in his life and began to heal their marriage. What a blessing and oh how I wish it was one I could have experienced.

I believe, to the core of my being, that we each are responsible for the choices we make. Granted there are those in this world who will use words to manipulate, emotions to manipulate, sex to manipulate, tears to manipulate, money and power to manipulate. I could go on and on because I have seen all of these things happen over the past year but truth be told, when you are dealing with manipulation as a form of control, you are going to lose.

This is world we live in. A world full of men, claiming to love the Lord and to serve Him above all else but one thing I have witnessed repeatedly over the past year, is the lack of humility in our men. The lack of leadership in the home as well as respect and it has literally turned my world upside down.

I have witnessed a pastor willing to testify under oath, to swear upon the bible, that his testimony is honest and forthright. I find this hard to comprehend when I know for a fact that this particular person has not even heard both sides of a story and only participated and listened to gossip. This same pastor then visited a home and totally disrespected his elders, behaving in the most un-christlike way and then made a mockery of Christ by comparing himself to Jesus. Did I mention that all of this took place in front of another pastor, who said nothing. I was and am still dumbfounded BUT I am learning.

I am not telling you any of these things in order for anyone to think bad about Christians, church or even pastors but instead to show that they are human. We all screw up. We all sin. Now this particular pastor I have mentioned would probably disagree because well, he did liken himself to Jesus which leads me to believe that he lacks a certain bit of humility but again, he is human whether he chooses to admit to it or not.

Back to the song I mentioned above and where I was originally headed with this posting. You see, our men, our pastors, our deacons, our husbands, sons, boyfriends, fathers, grandfathers, uncles and brothers are to be the spiritual leaders. They are to lead their families in the way they should go especially when they profess to be followers of Christ. God has given them this great role and responsibility and many are failing at their mission. The result, broken families. Broken homes. This is happening everywhere and it has happened to me.

I cried when I heard this song this morning because my heart is breaking for my children. I tried what this wife did and went to my husband, asking the same thing. All I ever wanted was a husband who loved the Lord more than me and more than himself. A husband that would lead and be someone that my children could follow. It didn't happen. At first I thought it might and was hopeful because at first, he did take responsibility but then the test came and he failed. Something was thrown in his path to test his faithfulness to God and instead of holding fast to Truth, he allowed Satan to take control and obsession and fear to take over. This is how my family fell apart. This is what Satan does and he is having one hay day over the whole thing and has used a church in the process.

When will the men of our church stand up and accept the responsibility that God has placed upon them? I don't understand the constant need to blame someone else for the choices we make. Over the past year, I have not made some of the smartest moves but I will admit to anyone that asks that I have made some stupid choices. I have not denied anything I have done and I do not admit to doing them because I was "caught" as one pastor has enjoyed sharing with so many. Instead I admit what I have done because the Holy Spirit has convicted me. That is what being a Christ follower involves. It is recognizing that we are not perfect and that we do need a Saviour because we are sinful. Praise God for His unfailing love, His mercy and His grace. It is only because of His great love for me that I can be where He wants me to be and continue down the path that He has set for me.

My life is moving forward and relationships are forming that I never planned and I do not quite understand but I am blessed to have those faithful few who have stood beside me and taken the time to seek out truth. I am at a place I have never been in my life. I am 35 years old and know a love like I have never known, finally getting to be the mom I always wanted to be, living in a place where I can love on people and not be judged for what I'm doing and doing that with my children. God truly does make all things new and He is making my life into something that I did not think I would ever know and it is truly amazing. It is truly beauty from ashes.

For those whom I have offended, I am truly sorry. Please feel free to share your comments.