Today is an emotionally significant day for me.
Today would have been my sixteenth wedding anniversary.
I
remember my wedding day. I remember my dress, the church, and the
sights and sounds of Christmas that filled the sanctuary. It was a
day of smiles and laughter. Yet, all day, I was unsure yet
resolved. When entering the limo after the reception, I was struck
with a severe migraine and overcome by great feelings of anxiousness. I
walked into married life scared. I walked into married life doubtful of my
ability to keep it going for the rest of my life. Nevertheless, I
walked into it.
This
week I have asked Jesus to hold me close. For me, this will be the first
year that I will not acknowledge this date as I had in the past but it will be
acknowledged. In
a season of goodbyes and unraveling, my mindset might seem odd to some.
However, my marriage did mean something. Every moment was not tear-filled,
though many were and even the ones that were, are worth honoring.
My son
asked me a couple of months ago if I wished I could do everything all over
again and marry someone else. My response did not require thought and
came quickly. I would do every moment of it all over again because
without their daddy, I would not have the incredible gift of my five kids.
They are the greatest blessing and a great responsibility entrusted to me
by God. I have no regrets. Because of my spouse and the journey we
have taken, I am a changed person.
With all that said, I am choosing to honor my marriage today. I am choosing to reminisce over the sweeter times and choosing to
pray for my spouse and my children. I’m going to allow today to remind me
that good did indeed come from the hard, that I have five beautiful children
from our time together, that Jesus was ever-present in each memory, and that
marriage always was and always will be designed as a sweet gift. So
I am choosing gratefulness in spite of the pain.
A new chapter in my life begins now. I have a fresh
start and the ability to replace the pain with new relationships, experiences
and memories. God is good and has been so incredibly faithful throughout
my journey. I know He has something exciting planned for my life.
Today I will put to rest the last chapter in a twenty-year story and
begin writing a new one.
So proud of you. Love you.
ReplyDeleteGood luck on your journey. Your children (and you) are so blessed that you can see how much good came from the marriage that also (apparently) caused much pain. I have two grandchildren by love (their parents were married before marrying my child). I try to always be thankful for their biological parent (even if they aren't in the child's life). Because without those people, I wouldn't have these two incredible grandchildren in my life. You've posted a good reminder for us to not regret decisions that didn't turn out the way we hoped. Quilted blessings, Nita
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