I spent the day cleaning out the house I used to reside in and as I worked, I knew that the "spy's next door" were reporting my every move to the man I have left behind. I have spent the past year being ridiculed, gossiped about, put down, spied on and basically kicked to the curb by a church and a group of people that I thought were friends. Needless to say, it has been a lonely year but I have grown tremendously because of the situation and for that I am thankful.
One of the greatest lessons learned would be this; people are people. They are going to disappoint and hurt. If we put all of our hope and trust in people, we'll never make it through this life.
You see some of these very people who have pointed fingers and gossiped about me, have done the very thing they have accused me of and it is almost comical. I feel like I could write a book about women and the tendencies thereof. Mainly that if they can point their finger at someone else in order to take the spot light off of their own sins, they will do it in a heart beat and stab you in the back in an instant. Let me just say that four women in my life have done the very things they have accused me of and pretty much gotten away with it. Well, all but one.
There have been moments over the past year that I have literally stood in awe of the deviousness of "my friends" and the lengths that they have been willing to go in order to hurt someone. It amazes me because each of these women claim to be Christians. I cannot say either way if this is truth but their actions, from a world view, would speak to the contrary.
Here's the kicker. Most of these women are either married to pastors or seminary students. Basically what I am saying is that several of my girlfriends have had emotional affairs and their husbands are "godly" men in the eyes of the christian community.
You may be wondering what has triggered this posting but this morning as I was returning home from taking my children to school, I heard a song on KLOVE called Lead Me by Sanctus Real. It spoke to me in such a way that I had to investigate the story behind it. Sure enough, one of the band members had been dealing with marriage issues. His wife confronted him and told him that he had to be the spiritual leader of their home or it would not work. For him, it was a moment of change and God moved in his life and began to heal their marriage. What a blessing and oh how I wish it was one I could have experienced.
I believe, to the core of my being, that we each are responsible for the choices we make. Granted there are those in this world who will use words to manipulate, emotions to manipulate, sex to manipulate, tears to manipulate, money and power to manipulate. I could go on and on because I have seen all of these things happen over the past year but truth be told, when you are dealing with manipulation as a form of control, you are going to lose.
This is world we live in. A world full of men, claiming to love the Lord and to serve Him above all else but one thing I have witnessed repeatedly over the past year, is the lack of humility in our men. The lack of leadership in the home as well as respect and it has literally turned my world upside down.
I have witnessed a pastor willing to testify under oath, to swear upon the bible, that his testimony is honest and forthright. I find this hard to comprehend when I know for a fact that this particular person has not even heard both sides of a story and only participated and listened to gossip. This same pastor then visited a home and totally disrespected his elders, behaving in the most un-christlike way and then made a mockery of Christ by comparing himself to Jesus. Did I mention that all of this took place in front of another pastor, who said nothing. I was and am still dumbfounded BUT I am learning.
I am not telling you any of these things in order for anyone to think bad about Christians, church or even pastors but instead to show that they are human. We all screw up. We all sin. Now this particular pastor I have mentioned would probably disagree because well, he did liken himself to Jesus which leads me to believe that he lacks a certain bit of humility but again, he is human whether he chooses to admit to it or not.
Back to the song I mentioned above and where I was originally headed with this posting. You see, our men, our pastors, our deacons, our husbands, sons, boyfriends, fathers, grandfathers, uncles and brothers are to be the spiritual leaders. They are to lead their families in the way they should go especially when they profess to be followers of Christ. God has given them this great role and responsibility and many are failing at their mission. The result, broken families. Broken homes. This is happening everywhere and it has happened to me.
I cried when I heard this song this morning because my heart is breaking for my children. I tried what this wife did and went to my husband, asking the same thing. All I ever wanted was a husband who loved the Lord more than me and more than himself. A husband that would lead and be someone that my children could follow. It didn't happen. At first I thought it might and was hopeful because at first, he did take responsibility but then the test came and he failed. Something was thrown in his path to test his faithfulness to God and instead of holding fast to Truth, he allowed Satan to take control and obsession and fear to take over. This is how my family fell apart. This is what Satan does and he is having one hay day over the whole thing and has used a church in the process.
When will the men of our church stand up and accept the responsibility that God has placed upon them? I don't understand the constant need to blame someone else for the choices we make. Over the past year, I have not made some of the smartest moves but I will admit to anyone that asks that I have made some stupid choices. I have not denied anything I have done and I do not admit to doing them because I was "caught" as one pastor has enjoyed sharing with so many. Instead I admit what I have done because the Holy Spirit has convicted me. That is what being a Christ follower involves. It is recognizing that we are not perfect and that we do need a Saviour because we are sinful. Praise God for His unfailing love, His mercy and His grace. It is only because of His great love for me that I can be where He wants me to be and continue down the path that He has set for me.
My life is moving forward and relationships are forming that I never planned and I do not quite understand but I am blessed to have those faithful few who have stood beside me and taken the time to seek out truth. I am at a place I have never been in my life. I am 35 years old and know a love like I have never known, finally getting to be the mom I always wanted to be, living in a place where I can love on people and not be judged for what I'm doing and doing that with my children. God truly does make all things new and He is making my life into something that I did not think I would ever know and it is truly amazing. It is truly beauty from ashes.
One of the greatest lessons learned would be this; people are people. They are going to disappoint and hurt. If we put all of our hope and trust in people, we'll never make it through this life.
You see some of these very people who have pointed fingers and gossiped about me, have done the very thing they have accused me of and it is almost comical. I feel like I could write a book about women and the tendencies thereof. Mainly that if they can point their finger at someone else in order to take the spot light off of their own sins, they will do it in a heart beat and stab you in the back in an instant. Let me just say that four women in my life have done the very things they have accused me of and pretty much gotten away with it. Well, all but one.
There have been moments over the past year that I have literally stood in awe of the deviousness of "my friends" and the lengths that they have been willing to go in order to hurt someone. It amazes me because each of these women claim to be Christians. I cannot say either way if this is truth but their actions, from a world view, would speak to the contrary.
Here's the kicker. Most of these women are either married to pastors or seminary students. Basically what I am saying is that several of my girlfriends have had emotional affairs and their husbands are "godly" men in the eyes of the christian community.
You may be wondering what has triggered this posting but this morning as I was returning home from taking my children to school, I heard a song on KLOVE called Lead Me by Sanctus Real. It spoke to me in such a way that I had to investigate the story behind it. Sure enough, one of the band members had been dealing with marriage issues. His wife confronted him and told him that he had to be the spiritual leader of their home or it would not work. For him, it was a moment of change and God moved in his life and began to heal their marriage. What a blessing and oh how I wish it was one I could have experienced.
I believe, to the core of my being, that we each are responsible for the choices we make. Granted there are those in this world who will use words to manipulate, emotions to manipulate, sex to manipulate, tears to manipulate, money and power to manipulate. I could go on and on because I have seen all of these things happen over the past year but truth be told, when you are dealing with manipulation as a form of control, you are going to lose.
This is world we live in. A world full of men, claiming to love the Lord and to serve Him above all else but one thing I have witnessed repeatedly over the past year, is the lack of humility in our men. The lack of leadership in the home as well as respect and it has literally turned my world upside down.
I have witnessed a pastor willing to testify under oath, to swear upon the bible, that his testimony is honest and forthright. I find this hard to comprehend when I know for a fact that this particular person has not even heard both sides of a story and only participated and listened to gossip. This same pastor then visited a home and totally disrespected his elders, behaving in the most un-christlike way and then made a mockery of Christ by comparing himself to Jesus. Did I mention that all of this took place in front of another pastor, who said nothing. I was and am still dumbfounded BUT I am learning.
I am not telling you any of these things in order for anyone to think bad about Christians, church or even pastors but instead to show that they are human. We all screw up. We all sin. Now this particular pastor I have mentioned would probably disagree because well, he did liken himself to Jesus which leads me to believe that he lacks a certain bit of humility but again, he is human whether he chooses to admit to it or not.
Back to the song I mentioned above and where I was originally headed with this posting. You see, our men, our pastors, our deacons, our husbands, sons, boyfriends, fathers, grandfathers, uncles and brothers are to be the spiritual leaders. They are to lead their families in the way they should go especially when they profess to be followers of Christ. God has given them this great role and responsibility and many are failing at their mission. The result, broken families. Broken homes. This is happening everywhere and it has happened to me.
I cried when I heard this song this morning because my heart is breaking for my children. I tried what this wife did and went to my husband, asking the same thing. All I ever wanted was a husband who loved the Lord more than me and more than himself. A husband that would lead and be someone that my children could follow. It didn't happen. At first I thought it might and was hopeful because at first, he did take responsibility but then the test came and he failed. Something was thrown in his path to test his faithfulness to God and instead of holding fast to Truth, he allowed Satan to take control and obsession and fear to take over. This is how my family fell apart. This is what Satan does and he is having one hay day over the whole thing and has used a church in the process.
When will the men of our church stand up and accept the responsibility that God has placed upon them? I don't understand the constant need to blame someone else for the choices we make. Over the past year, I have not made some of the smartest moves but I will admit to anyone that asks that I have made some stupid choices. I have not denied anything I have done and I do not admit to doing them because I was "caught" as one pastor has enjoyed sharing with so many. Instead I admit what I have done because the Holy Spirit has convicted me. That is what being a Christ follower involves. It is recognizing that we are not perfect and that we do need a Saviour because we are sinful. Praise God for His unfailing love, His mercy and His grace. It is only because of His great love for me that I can be where He wants me to be and continue down the path that He has set for me.
My life is moving forward and relationships are forming that I never planned and I do not quite understand but I am blessed to have those faithful few who have stood beside me and taken the time to seek out truth. I am at a place I have never been in my life. I am 35 years old and know a love like I have never known, finally getting to be the mom I always wanted to be, living in a place where I can love on people and not be judged for what I'm doing and doing that with my children. God truly does make all things new and He is making my life into something that I did not think I would ever know and it is truly amazing. It is truly beauty from ashes.
For those whom I have offended, I am truly sorry. Please feel free to share your comments.
would you please explain to me/us why the church always sides with the man? I have known too many woman who have been cast aside by the church and then left in the dark to keep their head above water while the man is praised. Truthfully I believe it has to do with a checkbook due to the fact that most woman in the church tend to stay at home and don't write the tithe check. Just my guess.
ReplyDeleteWarren
I choose to remain anonymous but I know of this pastor that you mentioned. I left the church he leads because of his lack of humility. Any man who feels that he must portray Jesus for every production and produce a lame cd of his music needs a heart check. You are not the first he has hurt. I'm praying for you and your children.
ReplyDeleteOffend away. THis message needs to be heard and our men need a spiritual awakening.
ReplyDeleteWhen one goes through life and experience many things and is a Christian, you realize first the depravity of man, and 2nd that we are all part of the depravity of man. We women are taught in church that men are the spiritual leaders of our home. We sometimes believe that we have that man on a white horse and we will totally be taken care of. I too had this same thought. Yes, I do believe that man should be the spiritual leader. However we women tend to put it all on the man.
ReplyDeleteWe sometimes forget our role and do we totally understand the nature of a man and how lack of our role sometimes helps to destroy him? I am learning that as the years pass with my man. I came to the realization sadly not long ago that I was assuming what he was thinking and doing. I also was putting so much pressure on him to be that "Godly man". Who can truly live up to all that pressure? I assumed his heart. After all, he was supposed to be the "man" of our home. I forgot that I was supposed to "serve" him as well. This was a 2 way street. God called the men to love us as Christ loves the church and he calls the women to love their husbands no matter what. We women tend to struggle on the "serving" part. No that doesn't mean us being slaves. It means to love and care for them as we would do Christ. We are all sinners and yes we all fail. However, it is never one sided. Sometimes we unfortunately react to one another's deed. Then we try to call it Godly. I have seen it so much in the church. I now try to look at those who disappoint me and then I come to the conclusion that I have maybe disappointed them as well? As the years pass, I quit looking to my spouse to "save the day." I now look to the only one who can save it. That is Jesus. When I started doing that, my husband totally changed towards me. Our relationship became, not perfect, but with a deeper passion toward each other. Life is short. There is no Hollywood real life. God is the author and finisher of our faith. It is worth it to seek guidance and wisdom from others who may have been there. And most of all, thank God for this. There is Grace in the name of Jesus. This is the wise counsel that I would have given to the ones that I love if they had given me time.
I love you deeper than you will ever know and yes I pray for you all daily. Keep seeking him as I know you do. He is faithful when man doesn't seem to be. Man is not perfect. Don't assume.
Friend, you are such an example for many. I have watched you experience true hell on earth by people who claimed to love you and you have remained strong. While your husband has bashed you, you remained silent and respectful. God will honor your obedience. I know you have suffered but part I know you recognize as your own consequences for your decisions. God knows your heart and your love for Him. You have truly made Him your hero, your "white knight" and He is ALL you need. Keep fighting the good fight.
ReplyDeleteI will be brief. This is a topic that truly angers me. Women are taught to "serve" and submit and men are able to get by with treating their wives with total disrespect because the church is run by men. Pastors get some kind of emotional response from a man, call it conviction and make the claim that the man is "trying". I do not understand it. In the mean time, women are being abused, left alone, seeking attention from places that they should not and ridiculed for it. WHAT ABOUT THE MEN??? Christ said that men are to love their wives as Christ loved the church? If this were happening, women would serve their husbands and all would be as God had planned. When will "the church" wake up and see what is happening? It has got to break the heart of God to see these men treating their wives, women, the way that they do.
ReplyDeleteSorry for the outburst but enough is enough all ready!!
I think it is important to point out what the author of this posting pointed out. We ALL are sinners and we ALL will mess up. Everyone will disappoint someone in their life at some point. It is important that our hope and trust are in God and not each other. Pastors can pretend to be perfect and some truly believe they are but truth be told we are all the same.
ReplyDeleteMy 2 cents... First let me start with letting everyone know that I am a man. Second let me say that I am a pastor and third I agree with this writer 100%. She is dead on right and the destruction of the family should be blamed on the man with help from Satan as well. Yes women can be critical and bossy but we are each responsible for our own actions which means that regardless of how we are treated by our wives, we are accountable to God to cherish, respect and love them. NO MATTER WHAT! Our wives should absolutely consider us their knights because we should make them feel safe and loved. God commands it. Now we cannot be a substitute for God's place in their lives but they should look to us to feel safe. Men are slacking and failing in a big way and I do in fact blame the church as well as many pastors who walk around with their holier than thou attitudes pointing fingers. Thanks for writing this and God bless.
ReplyDelete