http://abatteredmother.wordpress.com/2011/04/14/mothers-under-siege-tactics-of-the-fathers-rights-movement-how-can-a-good-enough-mother-protect-herself/
The money is gone. The issue is still not settled. I fight a battle every day to keep my head above water. I have pleaded and begged for a resolution so that money can be put to the use of what is right.
After reading this article I am even more saddened. I feel even more hopeless. I do not understand the world in which we live and why men (especially men who claim to be followers of Christ) would choose to harm their children, by hurting the mother of their children, in order to control.
Over the past few weeks my list of friends has grown as I have found many other women in my situation. This is real and happens everyday. I have found that more and more women from the church I used to attend are dealing with the exact same issues. I am learning that women typically get no support within the church they attend. I am learning that pastors (male) will not back a women as it sends out the message to their church that they may not be doing their job (as pastors) in leading the men of their church. I can easily understand how this madness happens in "the world" but within Christian communities, I am baffled.
While some of you out there fight to keep a job or your home, their are moms fighting a losing battle to keep their kids. You may wonder if their will be another paycheck. She wonders is someone is going to take away her kids. Moms who must choose to buy milk or make another payment to an attorney. Oftentimes, moms are lucky if they see any money from the father of their children until a court order is granted and even then, it does not always happen.
I spoke with a women from my old church yesterday. She said something that made me think as I realized the truth in her statement, "What man who claims to love their children and wants what is best for his children would drag their mother through the mud and waste thousands upon thousands of dollars for attorneys instead of taking care of their kids. To me, that is the worst form of a dead beat dad that there is. That my friend is NOT a godly man or a saved man and it is happening everywhere."
There are those men out there that truly do not have the money and work hard to pay. They do the best that they can. That doesn't particularly help the moms who try to provide for their kids but at least they are trying. They do exist. But then there are those men, backed by family and friends who just want to win. Who just want to cause harm. Who just want their way and will do whatever they have to in order to get their way. There are men who drag out court hearings and refuse to mediate with their spouse. Their plan is to bleed the ex-wife dry until she can no longer fight. She has no choice but to give up. It is an issue of power and control and our court system does nothing to stop it.
I believe I have found my mission. I may not be able to change my situation. At this point, I truly believe it would take an act of God or miracle (which I believe can happen) for my story to have a happy ending. I will however become an advocate. I will be a voice. I will use my story to help other women, other moms who have been hurt and their lives destroyed by the person who promised before God to cherish and honor them.
God is watching. He sees our men and the harm that they cause. There are consequences. They may not come today but they will happen. All we as moms can do it trust God for protection. Trust God and His faithfulness and move forward with confidence knowing that our children are worth every ounce of energy, every single penny spent and every tear shed.
You are amazing and have a faith that is not often seen. What an advocate you will be for others. Come on people! I know people read this blog! BE AN ADVOCATE FOR THIS AMAZING MOM!!!
ReplyDeleteI want to know where all her "friends" are? Why are they not on here supporting her? Makes you want to rethink who your friends are. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteWanted to share. Hope someone will read it.
ReplyDeleteA child's perspective of shared parenting:
"I will NEVER forgive"
"I am the result of shared parenting. It was enforced because my parents were told it was the normal arrangement when they divorced when I was 12.
I spent every second weekend (far from the disgusting 50/50 arrangements some poor children are forced into) travelling for three hours around trip to spend time with my Dad.
"I am left with an anxiety disorder and I will NEVER forgive my father for pushing his desire to see me over my need for consistency and a normal life.
"I was never able to make "best" friends because I was never around! With one week on and one weekend off I could never be counted on by my friends. Sleepovers were impossible. I travelled for hours to see my father, away from my extra curricular activities while his life barely changed at all. I missed hours and hours of ballet lessons, outings with friends, church and so on.
"Good on you Mens' groups. By the way, do they think their daughters are going to be proud of the fact their fathers ignored basic evolutionary science (that children need their mother and that mothers are chemically wired to be the most empathetic and self sacrificing parent) to get his own way?
"HAHAHAHAHA.
"My father recently expressed sadness that we were forced into such a contact arrangement. I appreciate that he loves me and did what he thought was best but we both agree that it was the wrong way to handle the situation. You know what I would have loved? Visits! My dad coming to me! I would have loved him visiting me, picking me up and taking me shopping, or to the park, or out for lunch, or to the museum and me not having to miss what all my friends were having (a consistent childhood) in order to spend time with him.
"It was awful, just awful, being without my Mum and so far away from her. Even with a loving father, I felt like a huge piece of me was missing with out my Mother. I think all children feel the same way about their mothers (despite what the men's groups are trying to say).
"PLEASE! Listen to the children! Please!"
---Read more at http://www.singlemotherforum.com/
You have advocates! We are a huge support system thanks to Twitter! Here is something that you might find helpful to know.
ReplyDeleteMyth -- Fathers who fight for custody of their children are likely doing so because they are their children's primary caregivers.
Fact: "Abusive fathers are far more likely than nonabusive parents to fight for child custody, not pay child support, and kidnap children."
White, Ann C., The Florida Bar Journal, Vol LXVIII, No. 9, citing Hansen, Marsali, and Michele Harway, Battering and Family Therapy 175 (1993); Grieg, Geoffrey L. and Rebecca Hegar, "Parents Whose Children Are Abducted by the Other Parent: Implications for Treatment," 19 American Journal of Family Therapy 215, 221 (1991); Zorza Joan, "Protection for Battered Women and Children," 27 Clearing House Rev. 1437 (1994).
Fact: "Since batterers know that nothing will devastate the victim more than seeing her children endangered, they frequently use the threat of obtaining custody to exact agreements to their liking. Custody litigation becomes yet another weapon for the abuser, heightening his power and control tactics to further terrify the victim."
See Hart, "Family Violence and Custody Orders," 43(4) Juv. & Fam. Ct. J. 29, 33-34 (1992); Saunders, "Child Custody Decisions in Families Experiencing Woman Abuse," 39 Social Work 51, 53 (1994), as cited in Hart and Hofford, "Child Custody," in A Lawyer's Handbook, supra, note 12 at 5-1; Cahn, "Civil Images of Battered Women: The Impact of Domestic Violence on Child Custody Decisions," 44 Vanderbilt L.Rev. 1041 (1991). http://www.cobar.org/tcl/1999/october/obstacles.htm
Fact: "[C]ontrary to popular belief, fathers who gain custody were not necessarily interested or involved in taking care of children prior to marriage... no evidence was found to suggest that fathers with custody were very involved with their children during the early stages of the child's life. For the group of single fathers interviewed, the level of involvement during their children's early years was not extraordinary. Some support or mixed support was found for the myth that single fathers were very involved with their children near the end of the marriage, which is why they gain custody, and for the myth that these marriages end on more unusual notes than most marriages. Finally, the idea that the father gained custody because the mother was emotionally incompetent is simply not true."
Greif, G. L. (1990). Ten myths about the fathers' childhoods, marriages, and custody arrangements. In The daddy track and the single father (pp. 23-43). Lexington, MA: Lexington Books.
Fact: "[M]any men who initiate custody and access challenges through the family law court system do so in order to harass or maintain control over their ex-spouses."
The National Association of Women and the Law, "Custody and Access: A NAWL Brief to the Special Joint Committee on Child Custody and Access," March 1998. Also see Terry Arendell, Fathers and Divorce, Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, 1995. Also see Mildred Daley Pagelow, "Effects of Domestic Violence on Children and their Consequences for Custody and Visitation Agreements," Mediation Quarterly, 7(4), 1990 [Battered women are intensely fearful of losing custody, while men who batter feel they have nothing to lose by using custody as a bargaining tactic.]
I think as beleivers we need to be careful of reading and hearing one side to a story. We tend to read something and immdeiately start judging one. There are people that even blog and talk about how they have been wrongfully judged while doing the same thing to others and judging them. Sometimes satan keeps a blinder on us as to make us believe our lies. There are bad men out there but there are also bad, evil women out there that makes good men look bad. Tabatha you should get to know more about people your following blogs with. I read over and over about how this blogger is so happy and content with their life. I don't believe if one has to constantly say that that they are happy, but instead quit the opposite, MISERABLE AND HARDENED. There are 2 sides to every story and we as believers should know both sides of a situation before we are falsely guided down a dark road with possibly satan at the wheel and not even realize it. This type behavior is what scripture describes as false teachers. Praying for all readers.
ReplyDeleteThis comment is directed to the person who left an anonymous comment that singled me out. Your comment is proof enough to me that you are in fact on the wrong side of this sad situation. (when I say side, I am referring to good vs evil) The writer of this blog does not hide behind anonymous. She speaks truth and stands behind her words. Her heart and what comes across through her writing is evidence of God in her life. Your words are evident of a life without Christ.(Proverbs 10:11) If Christ was within you then you would recognize that the writer of this blog is happy and content because God is all this writer needs. I pray that you will find truth. Not truth in this particular situation but Truth in Christ. That you will discover the same exciting relationship that I have and that this writer has with Christ. That you may discover true happiness and a content heart. Praying hard for you.
ReplyDeleteNicole keep writing! Those who follow you know Truth. God is working through you or you would not have struck such a chord with the writer of that comment. God bless you sweet sister!
Thank you for your prayers Tabitha. We all can use all the prayers we can get. Praying hard for you to sister.
ReplyDeleteI love it!!!! My readers are praying for one another. What a blessing.
ReplyDeleteIt is truly sad that most of these readers hang on and praise the writers every word as being the truth. There were many that have followed the writers blogs for a long time and were inspired by the truth of the word of God. The problem is that those close to the writer have seen for a long time the life being lead in private has been and still is completely contrary to all that has been written. The writer's ship has been sinking for along time and after next month there are many that believe there will be no more ship at all. We still pray that gods truth will set her free because deception will and has one life come crumbling down. Everyone still prays for her...
ReplyDeleteCan we say bitter? How about envious? Maybe scared is the better word. What is anonymous so afraid of? Apparently the writer has gotten under the skin of the anonymous one.
ReplyDeleteAs for the absurd comment, those close to the writer are still here following her. We're still here inspired by her. We are still in awe of her faith in God when her husband has been so horrific. I think the only ship sinking is the one her ex is on and he's clutching at anything to keep his head above water. Careful buddy cause it looks like your gonna drown.
Keep your head up Nicole! Don't let satan use this one to discourage you from sharing the good news. That's exactly what he wants so don't fall for it. You're awesome!