Being Real Part 2

I went on to my blog today and could not believe the response from my posting on Being Real. Not sure, I expected so many to agree or even to respond. Kind of crazy.

So there are a few things I would like to point out and clarify. First would be that as much as it may have sounded like a man bashing, it was not intended to be that way. Am I frustrated? Clearly but at this particular time in my life, I have good reason to be, not that it is ok but it is where I am at this particular place in my life. Are men bad? Absolutely not! I know TOO many good ones who truly love the Lord and walk the walk that they preach/talk. What is bad though is the fact that women are having to take the role of spiritual leaders in their homes and it does not work. It is not a job that any woman would want nor ask for but when there are kids in the home someone has to step up and lead.

The Power of a Praying Wife is an excellent book and is right on in its teaching. I have spent years praying for my husband but have also spent years praying for my heart and attitude toward him. People like to assume they know the whole story as to what has taken place behind closed doors but truly, no one has any idea what people deal with on a day-to-day basis. Here is where my frustration comes from…It comes from a place of men being allowed to disrespect, humiliate, destroy, and gossip about their wives or the women in their churches.

I believe that God has a plan, a structure for the family unit. Maybe I am way off base but I believe this to be true. The following is the doctrine of several churches I have visited and others that I have researched online. I do not believe that man can perfectly perform this role but I do believe that through the Grace of God, we have been given what we need by the Holy Spirit to love one another according to God’s plan making our responsibilities in the home, a doable task.

While not every man aspires to be a leader in the church or in business, every man is called by God to exercise Headship Responsibility in his home. And, while every man is different in personality and skill, the Bible has one standard which any believer can follow. In Ephesians 5:25-26a, Paul sets that standard when says “love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; that He might sanctify her…”

The restoration of Headship Responsibility begins as men faithfully model the sacrificial love of Jesus Christ in their marriages. First, husbands are to give themselves up for their wives. A husband's personal goals, hobbies, likes and dislikes are to be laid down in order to serve his wife. Husbands are not to use the bonds of marriage to suit their own ends or get their own way. That is not Biblical leadership, it's bullying coercion. Biblical leadership never gives a man the right to get his own way, rather it gives him the responsibility to see that God's will is done in every relationship he leads. That is why Paul continues by showing the goal of this love, always looking for ways that he might sanctify his wife (5:26) or set her apart for God.

Peter agrees that domination produces an ungodly marriage. In 1 Peter 3:7 he says that men are to “live with your wives in an understanding way.” A believing husband is to be a straight-A student of his wife. Here is sacrificial love. Striving to understand rather than be understood always takes personal sacrifice. And, Peter adds, understand her “as with a weaker vessel.” While some think that Peter is pointing out her deficiencies, it is betterto understand that he is exalting her worth. Weaker vessels were often the most expensive, such as china plates are today. Peter is saying live sacrificially with her, without sacrificing your opinion of her.

Peter goes on to say that husbands are to “grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life so that your prayers be not hindered.” In other words, husbands are not to be prideful, but are to live in humility before their wives. Granting her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life is the same as saying “See her as your equal before God!” A husband who refuses to do this not only hinders his relationship with his wife, but with God as well. How? Peter says his prayers will be hindered. This is probably due to the pride in his life, which makes him think he is above his wife! (cf. 1 Peter 5:5)

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The husband's primary responsibility in restoring headship responsibility is to become a servant like Christ. He must give himself up for the best of his wife, always looking to see God's will accomplished in her life, rather than his own wishes met. In contrast to what many men may think, sacrificial service does not destroy the headship role of a husband, rather it is the only way to restore headship the way God intended it

.Men not only dominate their wives at home, but their children as well. In Paul's day, a father could abuse his children without penalty, even sell them into slavery if he so desired. So Paul tells fathers to have the same humble leadership towards their children, by not provoking them to wrath (Ephesians 6:4). Fathers are to put away personal rights for the benefit of their children. They are to be leaders, seeing God's will done in their family, as they, “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Perhaps the restoration of headship responsibility is most desperately needed in the home. Sociological studies continue to link the destruction of our society to the deterioration of the home. And as home life decays, so does the next generation of leadership in the church, for church leaders must first be godly leaders in their homes (1Timothy 3:4-5).

Let me just end with I truly believe that with God's help, our families, our homes can be what God desires and had planned. It just requires a lot of faith and trust in Him and not ourselves. What I hope more than anything about these posts is that maybe they will help some other family because I did not have anyone to help mine.

Coming soon: Being Real Part 3 What God says about the role of the wife