Being Real Part 3

There have been many times in my life when I was certain that God had made something very clear to me and then there would be those that would come along and tell me I was wrong. Whenever that has happened, it has always left me bewildered but due to my current circumstances over the past two years, I have been able to rid myself, most of the time, of those voices who like to think that they are the authority on God’s word and listen to His actual voice.

As I have been dealing with all things that have been taking place in my life, I have spent time thinking about my role as a wife and mother as well as what my girls should expect in their spouse some day. Unfortunately, for me, I did not know what to look for and did not fully understand what it meant to seek after Gods will for my life and it has left me in a very bad situation. I never expected that at 35, I would be going through a divorce or dealing with the kind of heartache that I am experiencing. I never thought that the day would come, that the man who has been a part of my life for over half of my life would become my worst enemy. I was not prepared for this but through the grace of God; I am getting through it because of His great strength.

As I began to seek out what God wanted from me as a wife and mother, I had first to recognize what He did not want from me. This concept is extremely difficult as a woman because we believe, women are never wrong and we know best. Yeah right! That’s our problem. We think we know it all and can do it better than someone else can and this is where things begin to fall apart. First, we have to recognize that NO ONE is perfect, that at some point, someone will ALWAYS disappoint us and most importantly, NO ONE is always right. There are so many out there that believe they are the mouthpiece of God and know it all making it there place to tell everyone else what is wrong, totally missing the mess in their own life. If you really think about it, it is just a little amusing. I have come to find these types of people my comic relief because they are so clueless to what is really taking place in the world.

SO, whenever I write it is not to tell the world that my thinking or interpretation is right but instead to share what God has shown to me through my storm. I love those people who do not really want to encourage or give advice but instead appear as if they have it all together and can tell you exactly what you are doing wrong though they have never dealt with what you are dealing with. SO STINKING FUNNY!! If you have never dealt with a divorce, an abusive husband or a haughty pastor, please DO NOT try and give advice telling the cause of issues. Unless you have spent every moment with someone, you should not pretend to know what is required to remedy the situation.

I wrote about the man being the head of the home. Someone didn’t agree and I am ok with that but here’s the thing, check your heart and spend some time praying about it before jumping the gun and dismissing it. I have spent almost two years trying to figure out this stuff. It is not something I just sat down one day and decided to write. God has been showing me through scripture, through godly men I have come across and through women lucky enough to be married to godly men. What I want to say is that if you expect less than what God wants for our homes, then I truly have to pity you. I have been through hell. Not your typical finding out that he leaves dirty clothes on the floor and does not clean off his plate before putting it in the sink. I am talking about being totally disrespected and belittled and I am quite certain that goes against everything Jesus taught us about marriage. Now I could be wrong but once again, I went to church Sunday and could not believe when my pastor began preaching on the very thing I had written about just last week. When others had me doubting, God showed me once again that I was listening and hearing Him loud and clear.

Now the reason this whole issue is important to me is not that I ever want to get married again but instead have three boys who need to be taught what God expects of man as well as two little girls who should only wait around for the very best. This past Sunday, the pastor said something that I do not think I will ever forget and will sit down with my girls until the day they get married, reminding them of this particular story. Our pastor brought up the story of Ishmael and Isaac. He talked about how God promised Abraham and Sarah a child but instead of waiting on Gods time, they took matters into their own hands and Ishmael was born. Much later God followed through with His promise and Abraham and Sarah were blessed with the birth of their own child, Isaac. Our pastor said that we should not settle for an Ishmael but instead wait for our Isaac, the one that He would have for us. That was a profound moment for me and a moment where I knew from here forward, my purpose would be to begin to reshape and mold my children into what God would have for them.

Marriage is not easy and it does require a commitment from both individuals but God did create man to lead and for the woman to be his helper. Many find this a hard concept to swallow because many women do not want to sit back and let someone else take charge. God’s plan is not about equality but instead about order. God did not create man to be “the boss” or to “lord” over their home but instead to be the leader. The equation is simple; “husbands love you wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” + the wife must submit and respect her husband = a home in which God designed. The beginning of this equation is not submission but instead it is love. Love is why Christ died on the cross. When a husband loves, honors, cherishes and treasures his wife, it will produce a natural submission within her. It requires putting someone else before ourselves. It requires selflessness.

Therefore, the role of the wife begins with love. It begins with a total and complete love for God and when that happens, the rest will follow. When God is our focus, it is easy to submit and respect. For many out there, we have found that our husbands were not Christians and this made for a very difficult situation. It means hours of time spent upon our knees praying that God will take hold of their heart and that when He does, those husbands will turn it all over and hold nothing back. We as woman can only do so much. God knows how hard I tried and how much I prayed (for him and myself) but only that man could choose whether to give it all to God or to control it all. If he chooses the later, it will all pretty much fall apart eventually.

All this to say, I believe with all of my heart, that the man sets the atmosphere of his home; if he has a heart for the Lord and a love for his wife that comes from Christ, then the home will be a happy one. We live in a society where it is taught, “that if mom isn’t happy then no one is happy”. This idea has been programmed into our heads putting pressure on the wife to set the tone for the home but this is not the order God set. He clearly made our husbands the natural leader, the one that we as women should desire to follow because of his love for God as well as his wife. From that love, respect and love will follow. God knew what He was doing and designed the perfect plan; all we have to do is obey. God’s will for us is simple; surrender to Him and submission will follow which will then lead to a servant’s heart. It is all about order and true surrender.