Thoughts of my dad

I have spent the past week watching my oldest struggle with feelings that are painful for me to watch him deal with as a mother.  There is nothing in this world more heartbreaking than to watch your child suffer and know that no matter how hard you have tried, you cannot fix the pain that they are experiencing.  As I have watched him cry, heard him express his hurt and loved on him, it left me reflecting on my own dad.

My dad is not perfect.  My dad has never claimed to be perfect.  He will admit failure to anyone who asks.  I have watched over the past year as my dad has been arrested, been falsely accused of physical assault, been bled dry and so much more by someone he loved dearly and considered one his closet friends. I have watched him hurt at the loss of dealing with someone who betrayed him in every way imaginable yet has held his tongue, and continued to do in front of others, and instead chosen to speak positively of this person.  You will often times hear him declare how much he misses this person.  I thought a lot about that during the night as I lay awake watching my oldest sleep.

It is often said that the view we have of God is often reflective of our view of our earthly father.  I never understood this because my view of God was harsh and critical for a very long time.  I always felt that I could not measure up to God’s standards and that I had to “earn” His love.  For me, a relationship with God was impossible because God was perfect and I was not.  I strived to meet up to His requirements but always failed.  

This is NOT how I ever viewed my earthly father.  I knew he was not perfect.  I knew I did not have to earn his love.  I knew his love was unconditional. So where did my view of God come from and why did I cling so tightly to those things that I believed?  I believe it came from years of lack of understanding.  Years of thinking the wrong things about God from what I witnessed from other people.  I watched people who saw the sin in others and turned their back on those people.  I listened as people gossiped and shunned.  I watched as people who claimed to love Jesus display the exact opposite of who Jesus was which led me to view God in the same light.

This morning I woke up to do my quiet time and found a devotional waiting for me from one of my favorite writers.  He wrote about a man who was a brilliant Air Force pilot.  He was promoted to the rank of general but turned it down for a greater honor of serving God.  He chose to obey the call of God and dedicated himself to full-time ministry.  This man was known for the ability to get along with others.  He never criticized anyone and his heart was full of positive thoughts instead of negative.  It sent me to Matthew 5:8, “Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.”  I began thinking, that when we are humbly walking with God, we often assume that others are pure of heart as well.  We give people the benefit of the doubt.  On the contrary, those that are in sin, who are critical of everyone else are really only trying to hide their own imperfections and sin.  

What a revelation.  My dad is not perfect.  I am not perfect either and as I have dealt with my own issues, I have spent much time reflecting on my Heavenly Father and my dad.  I have rediscovered my Heavenly Father in a brand new way because of my dad.  He is a man that loves people even when they have hurt him.  He is a man that forgives.  He is man that does not criticize.  He is a man that has encouraged me to see the good in someone when I have totally lost hope in that person. 

I often am criticized for continually trying to see the good in someone but after reflecting on my Dad and my dad this morning, I realize everyone needs a chance.  Everyone needs love.  Though we may feel like they don’t deserve it, God commands it.  

I have often looked at my eleven year old and wondered how it is that he is able to overlook all the hurt caused by those in his life but yet chooses to love above the hurt and see the best in those that are not good.  This morning I realized that God created my little boy with his granddaddy’s heart.  He loves those who are hateful.  He loves those who hurt others.  He chooses to see the best when the rest of the world sees the worst.

Thank you daddy for teaching me that kind of love.  For demonstrating it to my children at a time in their life when they need it the most.  Thank you Daddy for the daddy that you blessed my life and my children’s lives with.